Sunday, December 1, 2013

; Doubts

HELLO!!!!!!! It's been awhile since, I came here. It's kinda odd as I felt like talking to someone again. Well, every time when I blog, is the time when I felt like talking to someone. There are so much in my head right now, EVEN I've just completed most of my final submission. Well, waiting for my final examination tho. People who knows me should know final examination, final submission and all would not bother me much. Not even interview which I am going to have tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, 'big boy already, time to work'. HAHAHAH...

So what's really bothering me right now is I, me, myself.... and GOD. Christianity, I meant. I am not doubting God, or maybe I am. With Him, I've done so much, compared to last time. But, there are still pain in me stop sinning like smoking. No way, I could stop smoking just a snap of fingers.

I got sick when I stopped literally for few days.
I don't feel comfortable at all with myself, with anyone.
My anger increases.

Well, God perform miracles.
I survived everything. There are still time when I start having so much eager to sin. All I did was just pray and I don't wanna think about it. The addiction is too strong. I'm still believing that there is no temptation stronger than God.

But what's bothering me?
What's the whole point?

What's bothering me is, what if... what if everything is just a dream? What if however I'm feeling is just what I imagine? What if, whatever happened is just coincidence? I don't know. If everything is what I just mentioned, why would I waste my time torturing myself.

Lord, I pray, you'll just speak to me, just annoy me with your spirit, throw away all the evil spirit in my mind. Clear my mind, Father. Lord, I thank You for making me believe You even more.

Great things happened to me, might be called as testimony. I've a friend named Joyce. She never feel comfortable going to church. She never feel comfortable when people asked her to go church. So, I told her, for God, you should be feeling comfortable as He is a welcoming God. His hand always opened up, whether you ditched Him before, you betrayed Him before or not, He is a forgiving, with an open heart God that will forgive whatever you've done. I told her, I used to go CF alone, I used to go to camp alone, I used to go to church alone. Weeks later, she told me, Im very inspiring and motivating. If I can do this, why can't she?

It's something I really wanna do all the time. Help people, inspire people, motivate people. I have never felt so successful before. Lord, I pray you'll just continue to use me more. Allow me to have more testimony to people around me. Allow me to show them who You really are. Allow me to be part of your soldier one day. Not a physical soldier, but the spiritual soldier, to fight against the evil spirit, Father. I pray Lord, you'll continue to use me everywhere. Make me feel better one day, soften my heart that have been hardened with misery, clear off all the doubts in my mind Lord. Thank You, Jesus.

I'm just gonna continue believing in Him. 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Beloved high school teacher

Hey peeps!

I just gotta express this beautiful feeling of mine. I had a great talk with my high school teacher. It's so hard to call her as my teacher now (Hey, I'm not saying that I don't like to call her as my teacher because she is no longer teaching me. It's just weird as I call every tutors a lecturer or miss). She's Puan Ambika. She used to teach me English. I love her a lot, she has never looked down on me. She instead expect good work from me. Why do I say that?

I was chosen as the Vice President for Media club since Form 2. It's all because of her promoting me. And I'm the first person who is a Vice President since Form 2, well, until today. She once told me, to even guide the Presiden what to do and manage those stuff. I was surprised, but I dare not. I respect my Presiden as Presiden. There are a lot more stuff in class tho.

What happened today was, I talked to her about my career in future. I'm confused to either take over my dad's business or just go on with Advertiser, copy writer or Advertising designer (well, anything to do with the creative team/department, I wouldn't mind). So the case is, if I just take over my dad's business, I would felt that my time will be wasted for studying so much about Advertising. Vice versa wise, I would felt pity for my dad as he brought up the company from sweat to blood to such established company, and end up throwing aside. Sucha waste right.

Just doing a year of Mass Comm then, go to my dad's business would totally be fine for me. I've been thinking about it for days. And so, Pn. Ambika told me the same thing. She further explained, to discover if everything is good with Advertiser or not. I dunno, I guess I just gotta wait till next year then, I'll just go with the flow.

Oh, wait, the best thing is, Pn. Ambika told me that I'm quite a perfectionist. Haha!! How flattering <3 I really do miss this teacher of mine from high school. ;)

Nights peeps!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Disastrous from the Hell.

So what's up?

Real bad disastrous life I'm really facing right now. Life is really swinging like a pendulum bob from Terrible to disastrous life. Oh well, if you're wondering what's so stressed up about life, what else? What else can a student from a University life be so stressed up about this late night? Assignment, yes, I repeat, ASSIGNMENT. Guess what, I've not been in this deep shit before, and I cannot believe I'm going to do what I'm "supposed" to do. So what about assignment stabbed me so deep is, Fiction script writing. 

Guess what? I don't write much, I don't read much, I don't enjoy either writing or reading, I don't watch much movie, and I am asked to write a fiction script. Incredible. Not that, I dont read at all, I do read novel, but only when i was young, not that I don't enjoy writing, I love writing maybe for advertising creative writing ONLY, not that, I don't watch movie at all, but not as much as any other movie maniac in my broadcasting class! I've to admit that. hah!!

So now, you must be wondering why do I take broadcasting when I don't like anything about movie, and script writing. I have only few choices for my minor subjects, which are Public Relation (PR), journalism, and broadcasting, which I'm actually doing now. So what's my major? Advertising. I love designing, I love anything to do with photography, which includes a little of filming! 

Yes, back to the point. The amount of work load I am having now is too ridiculous to be imagined! I have to write 25pages of fiction script, whole web design (group work, Thank God!), Radio and TV advertisement for apparel, mandarin oral test tomorrow, and finally, my creative copy writing. All due in a week, which is next week.

It's 2am, gotta wake up early tomorrow for the continuation! 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Big dream

Here I come. Back to my blogging life. Not too sure if this gonna last or not, but will try to keep it updated. hah! Too much of stuff have been playing in my mind. I have big dreams, do you? Or living life by dreaming small, being simple is just enough for you? Call me materialistic if you think I am. But I love my BIG dream. Whether able to achieve it or not, that's another story. But, but, but, I have to say this, "A dream is just a dream if there is no hard work in it". Nothing comes easy.

Yes, I have big dreams. I love cars, I love luxurious apartment, I love my gadgets. I have even set my dream, I have even set what do I want to do in future. But they are all achievable dreams, but it's gonna be tough. Real hard time, I'm gonna face after my Bachelor Degree graduation in Taylor's University. 

When I say BIG dreams, I don't mean Ferrari's, Lamborghini, and so on. Yes, they may be my dream. But, I categorized them as the "Unachievable dreams", or maybe "Tough luck"-dreams. Well, you see, it's not 100% impossible, maybe few % achievable chances. Let's not give yourself too high hope about it? ahha! 

One thing about dream is, it is not necessarily to be achieved. That's how I perceived dream as. Something I really really want to do in my life is, I have to be more successful than my dad, more proud than my father; just gotta be better than my dad. He's a great guy, I have to make him proud. 

Live life guys, know your dreams, know what you want in your life. 
It's important.

Enjoy your day! ;)